Do You Deserve This?
by BobcatAlana
Summary: Shrewpaw is so overjoyed when Squirrelpaw returns that he turns his back on his best friend... [White x Shrew oneshot]


A White x Shrew one-shot

Cool air filled the forest of bare trees, wrapping it around their trunks and smothering the ground beneath them. Uplifted roots and deep, muddy ruts made these once beautiful woods terrible and unpleasant. Dead, brown plants and branches from slaughtered trees cluttered the hard forest floor. At one time, there would be birdsong in these woods, and the sound of prey scuttling around in the undergrowth. But now, one did not have to listen intently to hear the loud and overwhelming sound of monsters, not too far away.

Out of nowhere, a small tabby tom emerged, winding his way through the deserted trees. His dark brown paws practically flew off of the ground as he hurried towards Sunningrocks, the place ThunderClan had been forced to take refuge when the Twolegs and their monsters had threatened the former camp. The young apprentice's amber eyes were unreadable as he surveyed the forest around him that had once been his home. Now Twolegs were rampaging through the trees, destroying everything he had ever known.

_Not everything, _Shrewpaw reminded himself. _I still have my family… or what's left of it at least. I still have Spiderpaw and Ferncloud and Dustpelt and Birchkit… _

_And Whitepaw, _A tiny voice murmured inside him. Shrewpaw felt his pelt prickle nervously as he pictured Whitepaw in his mind. Her white pelt, her pretty emerald green eyes, her cheery voice…

"No." Shrewpaw muttered stubbornly, catching himself off-guard with how gruff his voice sounded. How could he love Whitepaw, when he had hardly gotten over Squirrelpaw yet? Unwillingly, Squirrelpaw's stunning ginger fur, and sparkling pale green eyes flashed through his mind. The spirited apprentice had dashed off with Brambleclaw moons ago, not too long before the Twolegs had begun demolishing the forest. _She's just a coward, _Shrewpaw tried to convince himself. _An un-loyal coward, a traitor to ThunderClan, running off with that fool when the going gets tough. _

The tabby shook his head violently, as he remembered that Squirrelpaw wasn't like that. Her father was Firestar, the noble ThunderClan leader, and her mother was Sandstorm, a strong-minded senior warrior. Not for the first time in these past few moons, Shrewpaw struggled to persuade himself that Squirrelpaw had deceived him by running off with Brambleclaw, though he knew that it was far from the truth.

Having been so deep in thought, the tom hadn't noticed that he had reached the outskirts of Sunningrocks. Peering at the grey stones serving as ThunderClan's new camp, he observed a large cluster of cats gathered around something, and a fresh wave of scents hit him. Shrewpaw hadn't smelled these cats in so long that it was impossible to believe he wasn't dreaming. _Can it really be her? _

"Shrewpaw!"

His ears pricked, and he turned excitedly to the voice, almost expecting to see ginger fur before him. His yellow eyes were swimming with joy, until he recognized the cat ahead of him. "Oh. Hi, Whitepaw."

Her white fur was as pure and clean as freshly fallen snow, and her bright green eyes were full of enthusiasm. "Guess what?" Whitepaw mewed.

Shrewpaw shook his head indifferently, trying to crane his neck over the apprentice's head to see what the groups of cats were assembled around. His nose wasn't lying to him, was it? Had the cat he hadn't seen for moons really returned?

"Squirrelpaw and Brambleclaw are back!" Whitepaw burst out, her eager jade gaze locking on him delightedly. "Can you believe it? They didn't abandon the Clan!"

"Th-they're back?" Shrewpaw asked, almost disbelievingly. _Squirrelpaw! _He longed to shout out her name as loud as he could, so it echoed through the clouds. _Squirrelpaw, you've come back to me!_

Impulsively, he raced over to the clump of cats, hardly noticing that Whitepaw was pelting after him. "Squirrelpaw!" Shrewpaw cried, twisting through his Clanmates to get to the ginger apprentice. Almost instantly, he spotted the young she-cat in the center of the group. Surprisingly, her ginger coat was smooth and well groomed, and she looked well fed. Her light green eyes were as lively as ever. "Squirrelpaw, you've come back!" He exclaimed, rushing to her side and rubbing his flank against hers.

She turned to him, and for a heartbeat, Shrewpaw was afraid she wouldn't recognize him. The entire Clan had grown skinnier and scruffier than before she left. But Squirrelpaw's eyes flooded with warmth as she spotted the tabby tom. "Yes, Shrewpaw, we have returned. We've been on a long journey." Her gaze flickered over to Brambleclaw, who stood next to her, and a grey RiverClan warrior whom Shrewpaw did not know.

Shrewpaw felt a twinge of jealousy as she said 'we' and his amber eyes focused on Brambleclaw. He and Squirrelpaw were standing awfully close to each other, with their pelts nearly brushing. _Of course,_ he thought darkly. _Of course she likes Brambleclaw. Apparently they made some long journey together. Why wouldn't she fall in love with that… that piece of mouse-dung! _

His hasty thoughts were interrupted by the loud shout of a ThunderClan warrior, who protested, "How do we know that you've been journeying? You look better fed than us!"

A mew of agreement rippled through the cats, and Shrewpaw felt sick with horror as he watched Squirrelpaw and Brambleclaw exchange a nervous glance. Did the Clan think they were lying?

Staring at Squirrelpaw's sleek and shiny dark ginger pelt, he couldn't help but to agree with his Clanmates. She didn't seem scruffy and unkempt, or weak and tired from walking a long ways. When Shrewpaw glanced at her closer, he could see developed muscles rippling under her red fur.

The young tom pushed that aside as though it was an insignificant pile of pebbles. All he could really focus on was the fact that Squirrelpaw- _his_ Squirrelpaw- had returned!

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That night Shrewpaw found himself settling down to sleep beside the spunky ginger she-cat, and happiness overwhelmed him. _Take that, Brambleclaw! _The tabby thought smugly. _Looks like Squirrelpaw will be curling up with me for the next few nights._

And although the idea of sleeping beside the she-cat he had dreamed about for moons was appealing, Shrewpaw couldn't help but feel a sharp prick of uncertainty as he remembered Whitepaw. Every since Squirrelpaw had left, he had been sleeping between Whitepaw and Spiderpaw, and that had been just fine with the tom. He had been able to dream with his good friend nestled on one side of him, and his brother curled up on the other.

_Good friend?_ Shrewpaw asked himself. Had Whitepaw become more than just a good friend in the past few moons? He couldn't shake that nervous feeling he got when they hunted together, when he wanted to impress her. And the way his heart fluttered when he stared long and hard into her dark green eyes.

_Make a decision!_ The apprentice's mind snapped. _Whitepaw or Squirrelpaw? The she-cat who's been your denmate since you were a tiny kit, or the one who ran off with Tigerstar's son? _

But it didn't really matter what he decided just then, because at that moment Squirrelpaw began to move on the hard stone in the makeshift apprentice's den, and carefully laid her head upon Shrewpaw's flank. The tabby glanced at the peaceful rise and fall of her chest, and at her pretty ginger face… in an instant he knew that he would be fine with her, for tonight at least. He tried to let all of his problems go, and lowered his own head onto the firm stone ground. Shrewpaw felt a wave of tiredness wash over him, willing his eyes to close and his body to sleep.

Just then, he heard a faint scratching sound coming from somewhere in the den. Impatiently, he flickered his amber eyes open, and after awhile they adjusted to the darkness around him. Across from him, Shrewpaw saw two shapes moving around near the opposite stone wall of the den. At first he didn't recognize them, but soon the tom could distinguish a black pelt as dark as the midnight sky, and a much lighter pelt, that seemed to be almost glowing from the starlight sparkling through the cleft in the rock that lead out of the den. It was Spiderpaw and Whitepaw.

The two apprentices spoke in hushed whispers for a moment, before lying down on the cold ground and curling up beside each other. Shrewpaw felt a stab of jealousy course through his heart. _They never used to sleep next to each other! _He thought. _I__used to always sleep between them! _The young tom felt weighed down, as he instantly understood what had happened. _It's Spiderpaw! _Shrewpaw thought accusingly. _He and Whitepaw! How dare he? _And although, somewhere in his heart, the tom knew that his brother was not to blame, it was what he felt like believing right now.

Unexpectedly, Squirrelpaw made a mewling noise in her sleep, and his attention snapped back to her. _I have to decide, _he realized suddenly. Shrewpaw glanced back at where Whitepaw lay, nestled up beside Spiderpaw.

Slowly, two green eyes opened, as if they knew they were being watched. The tabby gulped, but refused to blink or look away. Amber pools locked onto a bottomless jade green gaze. Whitepaw was usually very sunny and bright, but right now, Shrewpaw begged to differ. Her eyes had an angry look in them, almost one of… betrayal?

_No! _He thought stubbornly. _I haven't betrayed you! …Have I?_

He searched the she-cat's deep emerald eyes for an answer, but failed to find one. Whitepaw blinked sorrowfully at him, almost as though she was saying farewell. And then her eyes closed again, not to re-open.

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When Shrewpaw awoke, he found that both Spiderpaw and Whitepaw had gone, and Squirrelpaw was still curled up in a ball, sleeping beside him.

He couldn't shake the things that had happened last night. The thought of betraying Whitepaw, his best friend since kithood, scared him deeply. And the sad, melancholy look that had been in her eyes…

Shrewpaw's thoughts were interrupted as Squirrelpaw made high a mewing sound, and jerked herself awake. The tabby stared at her in astonishment, wondering what had caused her to jolt like that. He leaned forward, amber eyes intent.

"Where's Firestar?" The auburn apprentice demanded.

"I th-think he went on a patrol w-with Graystripe." Shrewpaw stammered, caught off-guard by how insistent her voice was, and by the hurried look in her pale green eyes.

"I need to talk to him!" Squirrelpaw persisted urgently. "I know where Leafpaw is!"

"What?" Not too long ago, Squirrelpaw's sister, Leafpaw, the medicine cat apprentice, had been taken away by Twolegs while out hunting with Sorreltail. And about two quarter-moons before, Cloudtail and Brightheart, Whitepaw's parents, had also gone missing. "Do you know where Cloudtail and Brightheart are too?"

She nodded. "I had a dream and Spottedleaf lead me to this strange Twoleg nest, where I could smell the scents of all the cats who'd gone missing! Well, cats from ThunderClan, RiverClan and WindClan." The ginger she-cat mewed. "And I _have _to tell Firestar! He can send out a rescue patrol!"

"He's patrolling with Graystripe," Shrewpaw reminded her.

"I know that!" Squirrelpaw snapped. "Why didn't you wake me up sooner? I could have informed Firestar of my dream from StarClan before he left!"

"I-I'm sorry," he mumbled quietly, taking aback by her harsh tone. "You were resting so peacefully, and I thought you'd be tired from your journey…"

The angry blaze in her green eyes softened, and she shook her head. "No, I'm sorry, Shrewpaw. It's not your fault that I slept so late." She blinked apologetically at him, then turned and promptly padded out onto Sunningrocks.

The tabby watched her for a second, feeling himself flush with fondness at how caring and remorseful Squirrelpaw had quickly become. His excitement was short-lived, however, because as soon as the apprentice left the den she walked straight over to Brambleclaw, who was sitting on the opposite side of camp.

Shrewpaw couldn't stand to watch any longer, and turned his head away pointedly, feeling anger and betrayal and misery all at once. _She may be nice to me,_ he thought. _But she'll never return the same feelings of affection that I have for her. _The tabby let out a long sigh, one filled with grief and rejection and envy. _I'll never truly be able to breathe in her sweet scent, or bury my head in her striking ginger fur. Not without knowing that she'd rather be with Brambleclaw. _

Slowly, he dragged his claws across the rock on one wall of the den, not even flinching as it made an awful noise that agonized his ears. Shrewpaw could feel all of his frustrations coming out, being poured out through his claws. And yet, after he sheathed his claws and set them back on the ground again, he still felt something, some kind of emotion, deep in his heart. _Loneliness. _

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Bare tree trunks and empty branches reached up to the sky, while shriveled, dying brambles and ferns lay jumbled upon the forest floor, stiff and brown. A chilly wind blew past, and Shrewpaw could feel himself shiver. The leafy, lush forest he had come to know and love was fading away like morning dew in warm sunlight.

The tabby was out hunting with his mentor, Thornclaw; or he had been at least. With prey so little and scattered throughout the woods, they usually hunted separately. Thornclaw seemed to trust Shrewpaw, and had sent him not too far away from the Thunderpath, where the Twolegs and their monsters were uprooting trees in ThunderClan's territory. Thornclaw had told him to be careful, and of course he had nodded, agreeing to meet back at camp before sunset.

Shrewpaw had a lot on his mind. As the young apprentice padded briskly through what remained of the forest, he could hardly even hear the monsters. All the tom could focus on was Whitepaw.

_Last night, _he remembered. _That look she gave me! _It almost tore his heart in two as he recalled the sad and betrayed look in Whitepaw's dark green eyes last night. _Have I betrayed her with… Squirrelpaw? _

Shrewpaw began to think. When Squirrelpaw had run off all those moons ago, he had been surprised, and saddened. He had clung to Spiderpaw for a while, refusing to eat or hunt or share tongues with any other apprentice. But then… then he had found Whitepaw. Gradually they had begun training together, and hunting together, and sleeping beside eachother. The tabby remembered when her parents had both gone missing, and he had comforted her. Shrewpaw recalled memories of playing with Whitepaw, her sweet laugh ringing out through the entire forest.

And then, when Squirrelpaw had returned… He had completely abandoned her. He had welcomed the ginger apprentice back with no questions asked. He had slept beside her on her first night back from the journey she apparently went on.

_I have betrayed her, _Shrewpaw realized bitterly. _My best friend, my denmate since kithood… I discarded her the moment Squirrelpaw returned. How could I have been so stupid? _

"It won't go on," he vowed, stopping in his tracks to make a promise to himself. "As soon as I get back. As soon as I do, I'll tell her. I'll tell Whitepaw that Squirrelpaw means nothing to me anymore, besides the fact that she's my Clanmate. Whitepaw will forgive me. We'll be friends again! Or," Shrewpaw murmured hopefully. "Maybe we'll be more than friends…"

He instantly began to feel lighter, as though a heavy weight had been lifted from his shoulders now that he had thought everything out. The apprentice began to nod blissfully, a smile brightening his face as he began trotting through the trees again. Shrewpaw simply could not contain his joy and excitement to return to camp after hunting.

Just when he thought he could not get any happier, the tom felt his spirits rise even higher, to a place they had never been before. The chilly breeze brought the scent of prey to him, that he might have missed if there had been no wind. It was not one he was used to smelling, though Shrewpaw did remember Thornclaw showing him one of these birds before. It was a pheasant!

To the tabby's surprise, the prey was not far from where he was standing. Ever so slowly, Shrewpaw turned and crept through what little brown and brittle undergrowth was left to mask his scent in. He flattened his body to the ground, exhilaration coursing through his veins. The apprentice's amber eyes locked in on the pheasant, which now stood not even one fox-length from him. He scrunched up his back legs, ready to spring his body forward, to propel himself at the bird. But then he decided to quickly move one forepaw in the crunchy leaves underfoot, trying to shift it closer to the rest of his body so his pounce would have better aim.

That was his one mistake. As soon as he set his paw down on the leaves again, there was a crackling sound, and the quiet snap of a twig. The pheasant swung its head around, and when it saw Shrewpaw, its eyes filled with fear. It started to spread its wings out in a desperate effort to escape the cat, but that was when Shrewpaw saw his chance. He leaped forwards, using his back legs to thrust himself up at the bird. Claws unsheathed, the tom swung his forepaws at the creature's outstretched wings. His claws latched on to one wing, but that was all he had time to grab before he began to fall out of the air. Gravity pulled Shrewpaw back to the ground with a thud, but it pulled the pheasant down as well. As he had fallen, his claws had ripped the bird's wing right off! The creature had to be dead now.

The apprentice sat up and began to look around. There was blood scattered everywhere. He had feathers stuck between his toes. As Shrewpaw pulled them out with his teeth, he glanced around the clearing one more time, searching for his kill. Where was the animal's body?

His eyes widened when he understood that only the pheasant's bloody, ripped off wing lay in the middle of the clearing. Glancing around urgently, he saw the bird stumbling away through the trees.

"No!" Shrewpaw cried. All that work, and he had not killed it! The tom shook his head in dismay, incredibly disappointed. The broken off wing caught his eye, his attention drawn to it again as he realized something. With only one wing, the pheasant could not fly properly. Perhaps he could chase it down, and still catch it!

The tabby sprinted after the bird's scent trail through the forest, running faster then he could ever remember running. _When I catch it, _he thought excitedly. _I could feed almost half the Clan! Half of them! Everyone will congratulate me; they'll remember me as the apprentice who fed his Clan during starvation! And Whitepaw… maybe she'll congratulate me the most. I'll prove to her just how sorry I am. _

While he had been thinking of how appreciative ThunderClan would be once he caught the pheasant, Shrewpaw had lost track of the prey itself. He felt a prickling sensation as he ran that something was not right, and began to slow down. With a jolt, he recognized another scent. A horrible, disgusting stench that he had learned to fear since the day he was born. The Thunderpath.

The tabby halted immediately, and stared down at the cold black stuff beneath his feet frightfully. He was standing on the Thunderpath!

The tom twisted around, trying desperately to figure out where ThunderClan territory was. He could hardly see anything, and all he could smell was the rank odor of the Thunderpath.

In an instant, he was stunned by a blinding white light. A deafening roar filled his ears, and he felt himself shaking with horror. Coming towards him was one of the shiny Twoleg monsters, spraying grit and dirt everywhere.

Shrewpaw was frozen to the spot, his amber eyes filled with fear and dread and disbelief. He wanted to move. He wanted to dart out of harm's way and dive back into the forest, where he felt safe. But he simply could not._ So I guess this is what it's all come down to, _He thought. _Whitepaw, do I deserve this? Do you deserve this, to go on living without knowing how much I love you? _

His thoughts, his fear, and his life were all put to an end in a split second. The monster's gigantic paws smashed into his small tabby body, crushing it, and breaking his neck.

But one thought lingered there, one image of a certain cat lingered in his mind, as his soul was guided up to StarClan to join his warrior ancestors, and his younger siblings Hollykit and Larchkit. He knew that he would never forget her beautiful snow-white fur, or her sweet melodious laughter.


End file.
